Are The Winter Olympics Actually Totally Bullshit?

In the past week, we’ve had a potential winner of the event opt to allot a celebrity shot to a person relatively new to the sport, and we’ve had a tropical nation buy its way into the event with a bunch of currency created in the image of a fictitious dog that speaks English, but poorly.

And, again, that’s fine. Curling is closer to aggressively mowing the lawn than it is to basketball. Not everything in the Olympics has to be the best athletes in the world competing in the most athletic of endeavors, right?

And the Olympics are really just ways for political leaders to host a world and to show off their might, right? They are a way for presidents to put aside their abhorrent political beliefs for a few weeks in the spirit of athletic achievement.

Oh, and TV! We’re all united as a nation around the TV, where NBC spent three-quarters of a billion dollars just for the rights to air these things. And we don’t even have to worry about having the talk about the fuss with all of those pesky homosexuals in Russia because it doesn’t sound like NBC wants to ruffle the IOC’s feathers by covering Russia’s new laws that would toss them in prison.

And when NBC is done, they’ll preempt the final hour of the closing ceremonies for some better programming, like classic American sitcom Animal Practice, which, as we all remember, is a show about a veterinarian and his quirky monkey sidekick.

Plus, we get to see our American athletes wear these rad sweaters!

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