Hennesy (“Henrock”, “Henny”, “That Brown”)
You will be drunk texting the person you’re on a date with while they’re sitting in front of you with the ever so popular “You up?”
The females who drink Hennesy will usually give you head while wearing timberlands & are fond of violence as a form of foreplay.
You’ll be doing the A-town stomp while Usher’s “Climax” is being played in the club. Hennesy will have you walking around aimlessly looking for some one night love to whisper the lyrics to Maxwell’s “Pretty Wings” while you sweat profusely all over said person. Studies show you are 88% more likely to commit a crime while drinking this cognac. Unadulterated savagery.
Patron
Regal, elite, illustrious & prolific are just a few terms to describe this tequila. Think of being in 93 degree weather without a sweat trickling off your brow while the women of your dreams performs a flash dance through a silhouette in an outside shower. Patron is for the women with high standards but no discretion.
It is a known fact that tequila, specifically the ingredient agave is a sexual stimulant & will lead to the best sexual encounter you will ever have.
Your pull out game will be immaculate whilst intoxicated by this liquid of a cloud & the females will leave on their own. Now what’s better than the sound of heels click clacking down the stairs after a night of lust? Nothing.
Coconut Ciroc (“Cocoloso”)
Known as “Lusty juice” in some circles, this flavored vodka is responsible for many a one night stand 7 sex in public places alike. The sexiest women in the world drink this liquor & will perform the filthiest of filthy maneuvers only seen in pornography films. By the way, I stopped watching porn around 17/18 because every movie I’d go see I was expecting to see sex pop off like “Oh shit he’s going to visit his friend’s mom while he’s in the hospital, wait wait wait, where’s her titty? Why they not fuckin?”
Don’t know where I was going with that but you get the point. Coconut Ciroc is like a high, a cool calm & collected zone until you see your ex-girlfriend at the bar & you’re so drunk you forgot you broke up then proceed to grab her ass & have sex with her then wake up next to her like “What the fuck did I do? Fuck Cocoloso!” Good times.