Holiday Weight Gain Tips


2. Don’t eat the day of a party: You want to look slim in your party outfit, so avoid eating all day making yourself ravenous.  Make sure you start the party off with some cocktails and appetizers, especially the fried appetizers. Make sure you eat a bit healthy by grabbing raw vegetables and coating them in dip, ranch is the best for you.  Now socialize by the dessert table, making it very convenient to reach for that extra cookie, brownie or chocolate.  

3. Skip meals over the holidays: Ideally, you want to make the most of a big meal, so go ahead and skip breakfast and lunch.  This way you can consume your daily caloric intake in one sitting.  And remember, since you’re so hungry make sure you eat extra fast that way you can consume more food before you feel full.  

4. Avoid the vegetable tables and go straight for the desserts: This is a given. Stay away from anything that is green, unless it’s green icing on cookies or a cake! Vegetables will destroy your chances of real weight gain. The desserts are where it’s at. Consume as many as possible. Be sure to take a doggie bag home with you for a late night snack.  

5.Don’t make time for fitness: It’s a holiday people!  You’ve worked out all year. Forget working out. There’s no time, right? With parties and shopping and parties and shopping (I meant to write that twice) who has time for working out?   Skip all our workout classes as well.  We can pick up working out at the beginning of January 2019.   Hey, that’s a great New Year’s resolution!  

6. Avoid extra movement: Better yet, lay around a lot!  Working out is definitely out, but make sure you don’t do any extra physical activity either.  Send the kids to get your second and third plate.  Also have your children to grab remote during this time of year. Moving could increase burning calories. If weight gain is truly the goal, sit as much as possible. Stay sedentary long enough and that lower back pain you once had, yeah it will come back too! That’s an added bonus to following this program.  

7. Definitely Ignore “Rule of 3“: Starchy carb, Fibrous carb, Lean protein blah, blah, blah. Just eat however and whenever you want to eat.  This will add pounds on faster and more efficiently than ever before.(Rule of 3:  1. Strive to eat a natural diet -Avoid over-processed, synthetic and foods that are not fresh. Reduce or eliminate intake of meat, avoiding red meat and animal fat.     2. Practice dietary discipline – Never eat immediately upon waking or before bedtime. Eat slowly and chew well    3. Enjoy your meals – Slow down your eating and try to eat only when in a relaxed mood.)  Yep don’t do any of this!  

8. Don’t drink water:  Don’t drink it.  Drink plenty of sodas, beer and wine instead.  And remember to order the largest flavored coffee you can find, with extra whip cream that morning! Pumpkin Spice lattes at Starbucks and Dunkin Donuts work great!  

If you follow these rules just remember you are in shape, because round is a shape. The true straight forward, no nonsense plan to guaranteed weight gain. Follow this and you’ll definitely have the desired outcome you’re looking for, being overweight, mostly in your stomach, and not being able to fit into your clothes.  My only suggestion for that is to take closer selfies; no one will be the wiser. 

Siddiqu “The Personal Trainer” is a CPT, motivational speaker, author of  How Are You Fat and Saved?! He is also the Co-creator of the largest bootcamp in Chicago The No Excuse Bootcamp.

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