All right, let’s get all the jokes out of the way at once. Deep breath:
The team, set to start play next March in Detroit Rock City Los Angeles, will run a nontraditional offense: not the pistol, not the shotgun, the Love Gun. Players will be encouraged to rock and roll all night and party ev-uh-ree day. Following every touchdown, the team will go for a deuce. They’ll keep the visitors’ locker room hotter than hell. Team physician? Why, Dr. Love, of course.
The team will be dubbed — no, this is not part of the joke — the L.A. KISS. And their helmet designs are going to be amazing (and, no doubt, for sale everywhere at a reasonable price). As incentive, the band will play a private concert for season-ticket holders.
“As a fast-paced, high-action band, this partnership with the AFL was an obvious fit for us,” Gene Simmons said in a statement. “With Arena Football, you are much closer to the action – sitting in the front row is like putting a folding chair on the hash mark of an NFL game – and it’s one of the only sports where you can experience this level of intensity. Attending an LA KISS game in 2014 will be similar to a live KISS show, with thrilling, heart-pounding action.”