For argument’s sake, I will try to shrink the vagueness of that term as it relates to dating, relationships, and marriage. Because if you meet somebody or have been seeing someone and one of you says, I want to be ‘just friends’; the usual response is “what do you mean by friends?”
It is something that has to be specified and defined because it means different things to different people. In fact, people sometimes have used the vagueness of the word to create terms to fit their own definition of it. Over the years we have heard ‘homie, lover, friend,’ or friend zone.’ and ‘friends with benefits.’
However, I’m dealing strictly with the premise of a heterosexual man and woman, consistently talking and hanging out, without having sex or pursuing marriage. For many years, I have discussed, debated, and argued with mostly women about this subject. I still stand firm on the belief that it is highly unlikely that a true friendship exists between men and women.
There are circumstantial friendships that may occur in the workplace or in an environment where each gender is pursuing a similar goal. Even under those circumstances, you are more than likely to have a relationship than not. Because it is hard to be around a person that you like, or are attracted to consistently without having emotions toward that person. So it is not the circumstances that define the friendship. It is someone’s willingness to state their intentions in that environment. What I mean is you may have a co-worker who says he or she doesn’t date people from their job; or a church member, who says that they are only at church to serve the lord. That is when circumstantial friendships occur.
By the same token, whenever a man or woman states their intent and sticks by it, they create a favorable circumstance for themselves. I remember I met this female who told me right out the gate, that she wasn’t having sex with anyone until she got married. The fact that I liked her and didn’t want to give up the opportunity to get up with her; I lied. I told her something to the effect of “I ain’t really trying to get married, but we can be cool and hang out.”
But my true intentions were to date her, and eventually form a relationship with her; a relationship that included sex of course. I was hoping to try to dissuade her from her beliefs by impressing her with my charm and intellect. I was hoping that if I take her out enough and was consistent in my efforts that she will break. In reality, I just became someone she can call when she was bored. I was her picker-upper when she got discouraged by the other dudes who left because she wasn’t ‘putting out. I became a convenient outlet for her emotional release.