You Should Never Wait in Line for a Bar. Ever.

Some friends and I made an effort to stop by this past weekend, but after waiting in line for approximately three minutes, we remembered the one indisputable and age-proven rule about drinking: Do not wait in line for a bar. Not even once.

OK, fine, there are certain isolated scenarios where I allow an exception—say, if you live in a small town, and there is only one bar. In that case, I can’t really offer you any advice except: Have you considered moving? But for the vast majority of us who live in cities, there is really no excuse.

Bars and clubs have long artificially inflated their lines as a means of attracting curiosity—in bigger cities like Los Angeles and New York, it’s not uncommon to see a long line behind a velvet rope while the inside of the club is functionally empty. The allure of exclusivity is a hell of a drug. But if you’re dealing with an operation employing psyops to generate business before you even step foot inside (rather than quality and comfort), is that really a place you want to spend $35 for a shot of Fireball? Which reminds me of another reliable bar maxim: Don’t order Fireball.

This is a lesson learned over time with a lot of bar miles under your belt, since it is mostly post-college bar-goers in these fermented breadlines. Granted, the motivation to go to a bar—the motivation to do anything anywhere, really—is different for an older, married person. These line waiters want to meet potential hookups. But young people don’t even need to occupy proximate physical space to do that anymore. So what’s the draw?

Time is a finite resource, another hard lesson that comes with age. If you have four to five hours allocated for going out, you’re already hamstringing your potential enjoyment by spending a quarter of that time not doing that activity. In more functional terms, you’re also not drinking. Maybe you’re reading this as you wait in line for a bar right now. Look across the street. You see the people in that other, less crowded bar enjoying their beer? Man, doesn’t that look good?

Article Appeared @http://www.esquire.com/food-drink/bars/a53316/bar-lines-are-bad/

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