In the weeds of the state’s medical marijuana law

That’s no good, but let’s say I’m a qualifying candidate. How do I get access to marijuana?

Slow down—the state isn’t ready to give you the OK yet. Not by a long shot.

First you’ll need to document that your condition is real: Your doctor needs to provide “written certification” to the health department detailing your symptoms and arguing that cannabis is likely to help. The doctor will also need to confirm that he or she is actually your doctor and that you’ve undergone a physical examination. This exam cannot be conducted via telephone, telepathy, e-mail, Gchat, Skype, or any other “remote means.” It can’t happen at a location where cannabis is sold, or at the home of anyone who works in the cannabis business.

No problem—I see my dentist every six months.

You undoubtedly have a nice smile, but that’s not going to help with the medical marijuana program. The physician has to be a doctor of medicine or osteopathy who has a license to prescribe drugs. Dentists are prohibited from prescribing cannabis. So are doctorates in astronomy and Russian lit.

I thought the Brothers Karamazov went a little long. Still, I’m willing to persevere. What’s the next plot point?

You’re demonstrating the patience of Dmitri Fyodorovich. Next, you have to submit to a background check by the state police. And don’t forget your fingerprints—the state will need a set of those as well.

“There’s definitely no privacy here at all,” says Julie Falco, a medical cannabis activist who has MS. “This is pretty heavy stuff for patients who are just trying to find some relief.”

I’m starting to get stressed out just thinking about it.

Unfortunately for you, stress alone is not a qualifying condition for the program. And that’s not the end of the registration process.

Patients then need to submit an application to the health department that includes a signed statement asserting that they won’t sell or give away medical cannabis.

If the department approves the application, it will forward the information to the secretary of state to include with your driving record, just in case you’re pulled over and police want to check your story about that bag of marijuana.

The health department will maintain a registry of cannabis patients that’s available to other state agencies and police “on a 24-hour basis” so they can keep track of “the date of sale, amount, and price of medical cannabis purchased by a registered qualifying patient.”

So much for the push for smaller government. After all that, how many people are going to qualify?

No one is quite sure. Estimates are all based on other states, where the population and laws are different. On the high end, so to speak, is Colorado, where 2 percent of all state residents are medical cannabis patients, according to the Marijuana Policy Project, a research and advocacy organization. But in New Jersey, where rules are far more strict and implementation has been slow, the registration rate is just 0.01 percent. That could mean anywhere from 1,452 to 262,802 registered patients in Illinois. But MPP analysts believe Vermont is a better model, since it has a similar list of qualifying conditions. They predict 10,000 to 16,500 patients will register in Illinois.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *