Some men feel emasculated if their wives are the primary breadwinners and they are asked to take on more household chores and additional childcare responsibilities. And some women feel resentful if they not only shoulder most of the household’s financial obligations, but also are expected to handle domestic responsibilities. This reversal of roles is causing the divorce rate to rise!
Black women have long been told that men are intimidated by more successful women, but that’s not necessarily true. Deep down a lot of men and women still feel uncomfortable with this “role reversal.”
Many men feel that they should be the “protector and provider.” For them, supporting the household fulfills that role. And many women believe that the man’s role is to be the breadwinner. These women hold on to the belief that having a man support them makes them more feminine. They look down on their husbands if they don’t earn more money, and even treat them as though they are less than men.
If you’re making more than your man and you’re having disagreements over this issue, then it’s time to have an open and honest discussion about gender roles. It may be that either you or your mate needs some reassurance.
You may need to feel more “feminine.” Or he may want to be considered more “masculine” in your relationship. If that’s the case, then you have to figure out ways to make each other feel comfortable in your gender roles without involving finances. If he builds and fixes things around the house and you make the dinners, you can still have traditional male-female roles.
The key, as always, is communication. Divide responsibilities so that no one is unfairly burdened. Don’t take on everything yourself and be a martyr, blaming him for everything that may go wrong. The goal is to stop being “me” and “he” and be a “we.”
This Article appeared in The Black Truth News Vol. 3 Issue 12.0 Dec. 31, 2012